Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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