Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
