I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
