He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
