Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
