for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
