There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
