i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
