A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
