I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
