Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
