You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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