doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
