just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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