it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
