I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
