So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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