I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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