god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
