woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
