Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
