you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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