You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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