this boner is exhausting
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
