Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
She needs sedatives and a leash
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just gargled with NyQuil
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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