the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
