Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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