The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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