dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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