That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
