I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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