My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
