i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
