my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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