Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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