Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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