So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
