She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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