dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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