The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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