On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
