She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
