Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
