I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
