something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
