I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
