I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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