its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
