I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
