First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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