I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is Oprah even human
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
