My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
