when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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