i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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