That's intense
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
