By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
