Hey man sorry I got all grabby
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
