wanna go halves on a baby?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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