good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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