I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
