Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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